The Croods: Prehistoric Party!

Review by Martyn Newton

February saw the release of The Croods at cinemas. I've haven't seen the film but as it's made by Dreamworks Animation I'm guessing it's pretty decent. And as is always the case with family movies, a mini-game collection loosely based on it has been released to cash in on unwitting parents and children.

So to review The Croods Prehistoric Party! I thought I'd present it in the same way as the game was to me, with 30 little tidbits.

  1. There isn't a single tiny bit of story.

  2. The AI is either too challenging making it very difficult to win even for experienced gamers.

  3. Or the AI is rubbish and offers no challenge.

  4. Every game is very shallow in gameplay.

  5. Some games are under-explained.

  6. The controls are unweidly.

  7. It is difficult to see what's going on at times.

  8. After every mini-game you have to run to the menu select. Yes it's as annoying and pointless as it sounds.

  9. No multiplayer whatsoever.

  10. There's no permanent leadertables to aid replayability.

  11. It has terrible animation.

  12. The 3D effect is pretty much non-existent even on the highest setting and doesn't add anything at all. I had to check it was even on at times.

  13. The music was annoying.

  14. You earn Prehistoric Points even if you come first or last so you don't even have to try.

  15. These Prehistoric Points are used to unlock more mini-games or the most boring concept art in the history of gaming.

  16. You also get to unlock movie stills. Considering it's the game is based on a 3D movie I'd expect these stills to be 3D and not 2D.

  17. There's also a selection of animal information but it's so basic you may as well not bother looking at it.

  18. There's 30 mini-games in total.

  19. No original ideas at all.

  20. I did not find a single game enjoyable.

  21. It's boring.

  22. Examples of mini-games include 10 pin bowling, Statues, a Hungry Hippos type game and a few racing games.

  23. Unlocked and completed every mini-game in 1 hour and 45 minutes.

  24. Will take probably take double that to unlock all the bonus artwork but I couldn't face spending a minute longer playing the game.

  25. Tournament mode strings together between 5 and 30 random selection of mini-games. You choose the exact length of your torture.

  26. Free games on Apple App Store of Google Play Store are more fleshed out and with more love and care lavished upon them.

  27. The Croods: Prehistoric Party! is the worst game I've ever played across the board with not a single redeeming feature.

  28. It's a shamless cash-grab.

  29. It costs £20 for this rubbish.

  30. However it does have a sweet sloth on the cover which raised a smile, the only positive emotion The Croods: Prehistoric Party! gave me.

To sum up:

The only reason The Croods: Prehistoric Party! doesn't get a 1 is because it's technically playable, not that you'd want to though.

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