Blues Brothers 2000

Review by Chris Septicor

So there I was at my favourite place to browse through retro games, the flea market closest to my house, checking out the latest selections of classic gaming. Then it came to me, that I don't have a game to play for the upcoming Review A Bad Game Day 2014, an annual tradition celebrating the absolute worst video games imaginable. If you recall, last year I covered the lackluster Raid at Bungeling Bay, and the year before that was the annoying Athena. And I figured I needed to find that special game. One that is worse than all the other games combined, yet such a hidden gem that not many people knew the game existed. But none of the seller's inventory stood out to be particularly crappy in the Nintendo section, and the Super Nintendo section had mostly the games already talked about by reviewers far better and more popular than I can ever be. Even the suggestions of the store owner were either not bad, or not bad enough to signify anger fueled rantings.

Then, out of nowhere, a bright spotlight came from the heavens landing on the display case, which was odd at the time seeing how the flea market was indoors. Then I hear a choir of angels singing a melody of seraphic delight, coming from that music store three stalls down that never turns down their volume. I saw it, with my own eyes. A game cartridge with artwork so lazy, and a title so frightening, there was no way it could be any good. I saw the light. YES! Jesus H. Tap Dancing Christ, I have seen the light!!!!

And it burnt my freaking retinas with the unholy fires of Satan!

I never would have believed this existed. Even after buying it, even after driving home, even after I tested it on my console, I just couldn't believe this was real. Blues Brothers 2000, for the Nintendo 64. Saying it out loud did not make it more believable. Typing the title in my text editor for this review is even hard to do. How do you make a video game based on arguably the worst sequel to arguably one of the most entertaining comedies of all time? And yet, here it is.

For those of you who don't know who, or what, the Blues Brothers are, you owe it to yourself to check it out. It was a film made in 1980, based on characters created on Saturday Night Live, and starred the late John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd. It was about two brothers who search redemption by reuniting their old band and perform to raise money and help save their orphanage from foreclosing. It was a brilliant comedy that offered so much to the audience. It had outstanding humour, intelligent dialogue, memorable one-liners, incredible music, and one of the best car chases and car crash scenes ever put forward to the cinema. It had something for everyone. And even if you are not a fan of blues music, the songs are still wildly entertaining. The sequel was made 18 years after the first movie was made, and 16 years after Belushi's death. Blues Brothers 2000 had no jokes, no plot, terrible rehashing of references from the first movie, bad acting, no chemistry with any cast members, and just no substance. It was an all around mess, and a borderline insult to the first movie. Blues Brothers 2000 only made 14 million back on its 28 million dollar budget, so it flopped big time. It's so bad, that it even garnered a recent review from the famous online Nostalgia Critic.

Yet after all those failures, it still warranted a video game tie-in. But not just any company made this, oh no. This was made by a company so evil, their logo from a distance looks like a demonic pentagram. This was published by Titus Entertainment. This is the same company that produced the first awful Blues Brothers game for the Super Nintendo. But do you want to know what else this company published? Superman for the Nintendo 64. Yes, that Superman 64. The same Superman 64 debated to be the absolute worst game ever made. The same people that made the game where Superman flies through rings made a platforming game based on Blues Brothers 2000. I was in for a hell of a time.

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